Let it Frustrate You

Then let it grow you

My son turns 12 today.

Jax is kind, funny, smart, athletic, and full of heart. He’s made so many strides this year, and I’m proud of him.

But it’s also been a hard year.

Moving to Texas meant starting middle school in a place where he didn’t know anyone.
That alone would be tough, but what made it harder was how different everything felt.

Back in St. Thomas, he went to a small, private school that spanned from 18 months to 18 years. It was tight-knit. The teachers knew every kid and every family.
It felt like home.

Then came public school in Texas.

They handed him a laptop and said, “We use Google Drive. Check your email. That’s how we’ll communicate with you now.”

No hand-holding. No parent follow-up.
Just: Welcome to middle school. You're responsible now.

It honestly felt like I was sending him to college.

And he struggled.

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When Maturity Feels Like Pressure

I watched him pull away from the effort it all required.
He just wanted to stay a kid.
He didn’t want all the pressure and responsibility, and when it came, he resisted it.

I found myself getting frustrated.
I wanted to see maturity. I wanted him to step up.
And I realized that’s what I pray for the most.

But the more I thought about it, the more I started to wonder if that kind of focus is doing what I hope it’s doing.

Because when I’m always looking for who he’s becoming, I think I miss who he already is.

And that’s not fair to him.

He’s already so much: kind, thoughtful, generous, funny, full of love.
But sometimes I’ve measured him by the maturity I want to see, instead of the goodness that’s right in front of me.

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Spiritually? I’m 11 Too

And when I got really honest about it, I realized I’m not so far ahead of him.

The things I get worked up about (avoiding effort, choosing what feels good instead of what’s actually good, not staying consistent) those are the same things I wrestle with in my own walk with God.

Sometimes I’d rather scroll than pray.
Stay busy instead of be still.
Avoid instead of ask.

And that realization softened me.

It reminded me that maturity takes time.
That change is hard.
That grace is easier to give when you realize how much of it you still need yourself.

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A Quiet Commitment

So on this, his 12th birthday, I’m making a quiet commitment:

• To grow in my own spiritual maturity

• To stop expecting what I’m still learning to model

• To pray more for him, and with him

• To gently show him how to ask God for help instead of just telling him what to do

Because that’s the way I’m learning to live too.

If there’s something (or someone) you’ve been getting frustrated with lately… maybe pause.

Ask yourself:
Am I struggling with this too?

It’s not always the case.
But sometimes the thing that keeps us up at night, that makes us blow up, that turns us into someone we don’t want to be isn’t really about them.

It’s about us.

And that’s not shameful.
It’s just honest.

And honesty is where grace begins.

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Happy Birthday, Jax.
You’re the one who made me a mama.
And you’re still teaching me how to grow.

I love you.
And I’m so thankful for your life.