Motherhood Without Apology

The Things I Don't Do and Why It Matters

"The most revolutionary act of motherhood isn't what you do, it's what you deliberately choose not to do."

I realized this truth at a swim meet, while bonding with another mom over Caribbean childhoods and Sunday routines. When I mentioned (without a hint of shame) that I don't iron anything, her eyes widened in surprise.

My calmness in that moment felt like a quiet rebellion.

For once, I didn't feel embarrassed. I felt... centered.

I had just shared something I don't do, and I wasn't explaining, defending, or apologizing. I was standing firmly in what I know to be true for my family.

And yes, my mother would want me to clarify that she did teach me the value of ironing (so no calls from you, Mummy). But it's just not something I care about.

If I need something smoothed out, I'll spritz it with water and toss it in the dryer instead of accidentally summoning the ancestors through the antiquated ritual of wrestling with a hot metal triangle in 2025.

This is the kind of motherhood I've found freedom in.

The kind where peace leads. Where intuition is trusted. Where rest isn't just important but sacred.

Because here's the truth that no parenting book wants to admit…

People will tell you how motherhood should look. But they won't show up at 3 AM to do it with you.

So I choose to stay in my own lane. To raise my family the way that feels right to me if even if it looks nothing like what my family, friends or coworkers do.

To offer an illustration, here are:

9 Things I've Chosen Not to Do In My Motherhood Journey

1. I don't wake up before everyone else. If my husband's home, he's on wake-up duty. I'm a deep sleeper and I honor that truth about myself. When it's my turn for school drop-off, we prep EVERYTHING the night before to make mornings smoother.

2. I don't put the laundry away right away. Clean piles in baskets or on the bed don't stress me out. I've got priorities, and sometimes folding just isn't one of them.

3. I don't volunteer for every school event. I've got work to do, and I've learned that crowds drain me. So Field Day? That's daddy duty. But I do enjoy lunch dates at school once a month with another mom friend. That's more my speed.

4. I don't make a hot breakfast every morning. Frozen waffles, cereal, muffins from the weekend, or school breakfast if they're up early enough are what’s on the menu. Bonus: my kitchen stays clean longer.

5. I don't tuck my kids in every night. Sometimes I fall asleep before they do, and that's okay. I've even had them tuck me in a few times. Sweetest role reversal ever.

6. I don't always gentle parent. I still yell sometimes. If I overreacted, I will apologize. But there are times I've reflected and thought, they needed a little touch of crazy to get their attention. I believe in parenting based on what works for the particular child and the particular situation.

7. I don't go to all their practices. With one in gymnastics and one in swimming, I’m already living in my car. Some days I knock out errands. Other days, I recline the seat, close my eyes, and call it a win.

8. I don't monitor their TV time on the weekend. They get zero TV during the week, so when the weekend hits, I let it go. As long as the chores and school work are done, I’m unbothered by a little Inbestigators binge.

9. I don’t document every moment.
I used to be the family paparazzi, but I realized my phone was becoming a bridge to distraction. Now, I trade some of the photos for presence and my camera roll (and soul) feel lighter for it.

That's just 9. I could probably list 90.

Every mother has her own (spoken or unspoken) of things she's decided aren't worth her precious energy.

What I know for certain is that even with all the things I don't do, I still feel confident in my motherhood.

None of us truly know what we're doing.

We're all finding our way, making choices that work for our unique families.

So I've stopped measuring myself against impossible standards, and started celebrating the mother I actually am rather than the one I thought I should be.

These kids are well-rested, clothed, and fed enough to have countless opinions and unlimited demands. I know it doesn’t always feel like it but that's an accomplishment.

I'm raising a glass of sparkling apple cider right now to you for making your way through this beautiful mess called motherhood. You’re finding what works, letting go of what doesn't, and discovering yourself in the process.

Now go enjoy your Mother's Day, however you choose to spend it, knowing that your version of motherhood is exactly what your family needs.

Happy Mother's Day to all who mother in their own perfect way!