The Surprising Truth About Mom Guilt
Why mom guilt is holding you back and what you can do about it!
I thought I was settling into 40 but I’ve since realized that I put an enormous amount of pressure on myself to make it the “best year ever” which comes with some caveats. While there are some upsides to setting big goals, there are some potholes as well.
I’m showing up hyper focused in managing my day and getting things done but for a hot second there, I lost sight of who I am versus who the world tells me I need to be as a coach. I’m working more on being myself and attracting the right clients instead of spending time on the traditional techniques used to capture people’s attention. I’ve made some missteps, had to apologize for not showing up as myself and carried around the guilt associated with not meeting my own expectations.
This is why today, I wanted to talk about mom guilt. I want to share my take on a term I don’t love so much (where’s the term for dad guilt?) and maybe you’ll come out of it with a new perspective too.
Write
When I think of moms, I think of those waiters at restaurants who are walking around with 12 inch plates of food on both arms and potentially one of them is on fire. If just one of those plates drop, the waiter and the hungry recipient instantly become upset. While that is understandable, it also completely negates just how amazing of a feat it was for one person to balance 7 other hot plates of food and deliver them with precision.
But we do this in life. We focus on the mistake, mishap or misstep and forget all the good. It’s too easy to forget just how much good you do in a day. Not tuh-day. At the end of the day, I want you to write down all your accomplishments no matter how small. Even if you’ve made a couple mistakes, I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that your list of achievements is longer. And that my friend, puts everything into perspective.
Eliminate
You know what else gets us into trouble and we bring it on ourselves? You do it every single day without even thinking about it. We need to eliminate setting unrealistic expectations from our to-do lists. How do we do this? When we get requests, please ask for deadlines and be prepared to push back if they are unreasonable. So many of us are afraid to make other people feel uncomfortable by asking the questions we need to perform effectively. Then, we find ourselves blind-micing our way through a vague task that we assume is also due ASAP (aka yesterday). It’s a beautiful recipe for a stress cake with guilt buttercream frosting. Ask for dates, context and more time if needed. You’ll be so glad you withstood the 5 minutes of discomfort that can create 5 weeks of peace…
Learn
As a society, we’ve been taught to look at guilt in one particular way. What if there was another perspective on guilt you hadn’t thought of? Check out my Youtube video titled, “The Hard Truth About Mom Guilt” and let me know if my take on guilt is surprising to you. Also, share your thoughts if you disagree. This is a space for all respectful ideas and viewpoints. Plus, I love a good debate!
Love
As I have been experiencing a bit of guilt myself, this one activity nips it in the bud every single time. I have been loving having coffee, lunch or quick chats with other mom friends. Seriously, 15 minutes of real and honest vulnerability can change your entire day (for the better). If you’ve been beating yourself up for not being all the things to all the people, then phone a friend. And then go a step further and make space on your calendar for mom connection at least once a week into infinity. Start with 15 minutes and slowly work your way up to an hour. As busy as I know you are, it’s so worth your time and you will leave with more energy, motivation and clarity. There’s no prescription for that!
The Lowe Down
Click here or on the card below to submit as many anonymous questions as you’d like. There’s no way for me to know who it’s from so if there is a specific issue about simplifying or organizing any part of your day or home, ask away. Can’t wait to hear from you!
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Until next time, live and be WELL!
Very well said.
Your analogy about the waitress reminds me of a quote by another writer here on Substack, Erin Moon. She said “Never let paper stay spinning at the expense of fine china.” I think this is important because sometimes we are trying to find balance with all these things and end up overcompensating for what could really be laid down instead and so the precious things end up falling, while we’re trying to hold onto the stuff that is of much lesser consequence and importance.