The Valentine's Day Setup

A recovering people-pleaser's guide to enjoying Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day as a mom is a setup.

You plan. You craft. You create magic for everyone else.

And somehow, you end up with nothing.

Not because no one loves you. But because you’re so busy pouring into everyone else’s joy that there’s nothing left for yourself.

I’m done with that.

For years, Valentine’s Day felt like a trap. I’d stress over perfect Pinterest valentines for my daughter, secretly hope my husband would plan a grand, romantic date, and let my family become an afterthought while I obsessed over making the day beautiful for everyone else.

I thought I was celebrating love.

But really?

I was sacrificing myself to it.

Not this year.

This year, I made three shifts.

Because I want to feel the love too, darn it.

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1. THE CLASSROOM REVOLUTION

Before:

The night before Valentine’s Day, I’d be at my kitchen table—scissors in one hand, a glue gun in the other—sweating over homemade valentines like they were Ivy League applications.

I wanted them to be perfect.

I wanted my daughter to beam with pride when she handed them out.

And if I’m being really honest?

I wanted the other moms to see them and think, Wow, that mom’s got her stuff together.

The problem?

It was never about my daughter.

It was about me.

Now:

I set a budget of $20 and a time limit.

We walked into the store. Five minutes later, E had exactly what she wanted.

She was happy. I was free. Win-win.

Lesson learned?

Sometimes, you’re the one creating your own stress.

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2. THE ROMANCE REFRAME

Before:

Every year, I’d wait.

Wait for my husband to become a planner.
Wait for a Hallmark level date night.
Wait for a mind-reading miracle that never came.

And every year?

Disappointment.

Not because he didn’t love me. But because I expected him to deliver on a vision I never even shared.

Now:

I stopped waiting.

I planned the date myself.

✅ Church couple’s dinner (bonus: affordable childcare included).
✅ We get dressed up.
✅ We enjoy the night instead of stressing over logistics.

I let go of the idea that he has to orchestrate it all. Because the truth is?

I know exactly what I want.

And there’s no rule that says I can’t create it.

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3. THE FAMILY AWAKENING

Before:

Valentine’s Day was all about romance.

I never thought about bringing my kids into it.

But then it hit me…

Why was I treating it like a one-dimensional holiday?

Love isn’t just romance. It’s presence. It’s connection.

Now:

This year, my kids are off school on Valentine’s Day.

So, we’re making it a family thing.

✅ No phones.
✅ A full day together.
✅ Something fun—maybe a movie, maybe pedicures.
✅ A tradition built around love in ALL its forms.

Because the kind of love I want them to remember isn’t just store-bought cards and roses.

It’s being there.

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THE REAL SECRET?

Moms create love for everyone else and forget they’re worthy of it too.

Not this year.

Instead, ask yourself…

What would actually make me happy?

For me, it was planning a day I’d enjoy.
For you, it might be a cozy night in, a low-key dinner, or skipping the whole thing.

Whatever it is…own it.
Just don’t leave your happiness out of it.

💛 Decide ahead of time.
💛 Stop waiting for someone to read your mind.
💛 Make it yours.

And if you’re ready to stop over-giving, over-expecting, and over-sacrificing—not just on Valentine’s Day, but in every area of your life—this is the work I do.

When you’re ready, I’d love to help you take back your time, energy, and joy—without the guilt.