Wealth is Quiet. Are You Listening?
Why your loudest flex might be the one no one ever sees
Wealth is what you don’t see.
I remember reading that line in Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel and thinking “wow”, how absolutely brilliant and true that is. So much of what we're taught about wealth is what is visible, but the opposite is actually true.
We say things like "the poor buy name brands, the rich are minimalists" but there's a deeper truth here. This isn’t about being rich. It’s about being wealthy.
To me, wealth is more than just having money. It’s keeping enough of it to maintain your lifestyle without fear. It’s having a cushion. A buffer. A margin. It’s money saved up and maybe even working for you when bad things happen.
I love the idea of being "secretly rich." It stirs up a different kind of motivation that is peaceful, internal, and deeply aligned with your values.
When Wealth Gave Me Freedom
I remember when I found out about the DIEP surgery after chemo. I had been seriously considering getting a mastectomy without reconstruction, because those were the only options presented to me in St. Thomas. Then, through some research and support groups, I heard about this one breast surgery center in New Orleans that only did reconstructions. Women raved about it like it was the Disney of post-cancer surgery. But it was out-of-network for me.
I went through the process of finding out how much it would cost. About $20,000 total (surgery, flights, hotel, meals for me and my mom). And we had it.
We had enough saved. It was possible for me.
And in that moment, I felt wealthy.
Peace Over Performance
I didn't feel guilty. I didn’t feel selfish or like I was harming my family. I felt protected. By God. By my husband, who I sometimes cut my eyes at for nagging about putting money aside for a rainy day. And baby, this was a thunderstorm.
People were out here telling us to upgrade our beat-up 2007 and 2009 cars because we had decent jobs and needed to "look the part."
But I’m glad we didn’t listen.
Because aligning your money to what you value is always going to be the right move, even when things don’t go as planned.
The biggest gift wasn’t just the surgery. It was freedom. Freedom to choose what was best. To not settle for what was merely available. In a situation where I was going under the knife, I didn’t want the bargain option. I wanted the best option. Not just for aesthetics, but for my safety. My peace of mind. My family's future.
And today? I’m still happy with that decision. Joyful, even. I know how many women don’t get to make that kind of choice, simply because of money. And that’s not lost on me.
Choosing Values Over Appearances
Yes, we drove old cars. We didn’t wear name brands. We didn’t keep up with the Joneses. We did send our kids to private school, because on the island that felt like the best environment for them. We weren’t saints. We ate out more than we should have. We vacationed because that was our version of quality time.
I’m sure some people thought we were struggling. And we were. Struggling to save. Struggling to hold the line on our values. Struggling to ignore what society told us was important.
Others probably thought we weren’t living enough. Not enjoying the fruits of our labor.
But let me say this clearly:
You can’t let someone else run your race.
Redefining Wealth
Being wealthy is about understanding what "enough" looks like for you, and having a little more than that for a rainy day.
It’s knowing that peace is more important than presentation.
We all have different definitions of wealth. I want mine to align with the abundance God talks about. Not material things. But peace. Joy. Love.
The Pressure to Perform
And if you’re quietly judging yourself for not “looking” wealthy.
Stop it right now. Don’t put any more time or energy behind that performance.
Yes, there’s a confidence that comes from looking good or stepping out of a fancy car but that lifted chin doesn’t last.
Over time? The pressure will break you. The show will own you.
And one day you’ll wake up and realize you’ve been living to impress instead of express.
That kind of life? It leaves your kids unseen. Unheard. Unaccepted.
Model What Matters
We don’t want to leave that legacy.
We go first. We model the values. We stumble in front of them, and we get back up again. And again.
We show them that it’s hard but worth it.
Because a world where the real you gets to meet (and love) the real them?
That’s priceless.
That’s rich.
That’s true wealth…
This!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️